One of the pharses I hate hearing the most is the “i will make it up to you” pharse. Why? Because this usually comes after a promise has been broken.
Promises are a declaration that something will or will not be done, given, etc., by someone to another person.
Promises are scared to me (one of the reasons I rarely make them) and I am sure to so many other people also. When you make a promise to a person you bind a person with hope.
Ever broken a promise before and your relationship with that person never remained the same? Well if yes, here is a simply example showing the psychology behind that change in behavior.
Promises breed expectations and hope. If you tell a child “I will get you ice cream on my way back from work” in the morning before you leave for work. From the moment you say it to the child to the moment you get home he is in anticipation expectant of that ice cream probably checking the clock for the time praying you close early and get him his ice cream in time. Same goes for relationships if you promise you would do something for a friend, husband, wife he or she automatically feels hope its like half of the problem is solved because of the trust they have in you, you just lifted that person from a pit of despair and when you fail to fulfil your promise, you throw them back into that pit deeper into that pit.
The psychological effect of breaking promises:
How do you think distrust breeds within relationships? Breaking promises is one of these ways. Breaking a promise always seem to hurt. And if this happens alot then a major problem is breeding within that relationship.
Why do people make promises and break them? Okay, honestly I struggled with this for a while. Like why? You didnt have to make the promise. Like theperson was probably going to figure it out anyways before you offered the help you never gave, the person was probably okay before you offered to do that thing you never did. So why trying to make a bad situation worse? Or what purpose. But I get it, its easy to offer a friend your help in the moment so you dont seeem like a bad person. I get it you do ut for your conscience but do you not think that is an absolutely selfish thing to do. Especially if you know you won’t fulfil that promise?
Sometimes it may not be your fault though and that is understandable but the problem begins when this becomes a norm within a relationship.
See Post: Conflict: When is it okay to walk away?
To solve this little problem of constantly breaking promises cannot be easy because I know it feels good to make a promise because you will seem like such a great person in that moment but always remember before you open your mouth to say something you know you probably wont do. The follow up is more important.
- Don’t make promises to look like a good person.
- Don’t make promises under pressure and you know you won’t fulfil.
- Don’t make promises to yourself that you know you wont fulfil.
- Don’t make promises at all if you know you have no plans on fulfilling them.
By doing these you wont spread the seed of disappointment around.
In all your dealing try as much as possible to keep up to your words. It may not be easy but it is important to be a person that does what he/she says and says what he/she means.
Trust me it makes you a better person, a more trust worthy person and this is great for your relationship with yourself and other people.
What do you think of promises? Have you ever broken a promise? What was your reason? Do you think it had a negative effect? Share with me in the comment section below.
Thank you for reading. Have a lovely week ahead. LOVE D.A♥