“Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.”
Grief comes as a result of loss experienced. Loss is one of the most heart breaking experiences ever. You feel unexplainable pain that you can’t dull with meds because it isn’t physical.
I feel so sad and beaten down writing this, the day after I posted my July Favorites on the blog. l got terrible news about the passing away of someone I greatly admired. This news hit me like a storm, for the past few days I have been thinking: what is life? Why do these kinds of things happen to the best souls? why do the young die?
It’s been really emotional for me because this news reminded me of all the loss I have experienced in my past 20something years on Earth. Loss of people I cared about, loss of love, loss of friendships, loss of opportunities and from experience I have come to realize that you never truly get over loss but you definitely can make an effort to Deal.
Loss is part of life, we win some and we lose some and dealing with these losses is very essential as loss has the ability to bury you in sadness and depression.
The 6 Ways of dealing:
Some suggested ways of dealing with loss are:
when we experience loss be it a breakup or loss of a dear one our first instinct is to deny it. Yesterday my friend said “ I feel it’s all a joke” and I don’t blame her. Our minds make these safe areas for us to find solace in from Emotional distress and sadness. Acceptance is the first step to dealing with loss. Accept the loss whatever it is, no matter how hard it may be, come to terms with the loss.
• Let it out: Acceptance opens a can of emotional works just wanting to get out. One of the mistakes we make is believing we have to be strong and keep our emotions at Bay. This is wrong we are only human and if we don’t express our emotions they will eat at us. It’s okay to cry and mourn over what has been lost. It’s okay to feel bad from time to time.
• Get up: getting up could be one of the hardest things to do especially when everything within you just want to lay down in bed crying. Getting up is a big step towards dealing with loss.
The past few days I have felt so useless I couldn’t write one coherent sentence but I made a decision to ‘get up’ because I know that although writing this is so difficult I have hope that tomorrow will be better. Do you have a chore to do? Get up and do it. Do you have somewhere to be at? Show up, Nothing to do? Take a walk or a jog, visit a new place. I am not asking you to pretend like nothing happened, I’m asking for you to make an effort so you don’t slip into depression.
• Pick the lesson: “I hope we pick the lesson from his death and not be sad anyhow” my very wise friend said and I agree with him a 100%. When we lose someone or something we automatically think I wish I did this, I wish I did that so instead of wishing those things you wish you had done you still have time to do them anyway. When I lost my friend at a very young age so many years ago (the very first loss I think I experienced), one of my greatest regrets was that I didn’t spend enough time with him. Instead of focusing on that, there are many other things to focus on like spending time with your family and friends because although you may have lost one you still have a lot of people to give love. In the case of a breakup if you wish you were a better person in the relationship, there is still time to be that person but this time you are doing it for yourself. It’s not too late.
• Get a support system: having a support system is one of the best ways to deal with loss. A support system understands what you are going through and encourage you to get better. You can have support from your family members, friends, spouses, church members and even online support groups.
You don’t know how amazing it is to talk to someone who gets you and understands what you are passing through until you do. For those that are not big on talking finding someone to sit quietly with or pray with or just go on a walk with does wonders for your emotional state of mind. Don’t suffer all alone get the support you meed to survive the trying tomes. Asking for help doesn’t mean you are weak it , it means you are strong enough to lean on others.
• Appreciate life: when there is life there is hope.
One way to deal with loss is to appreciate life because life is fragile. One of the things loss has taught me is that while we have life we should live it. Smell the roses, wear that leather skirt, don’t be so scared of what others think that you refuse to live. Live life and live it more abundantly.
Find your source of comfort and find inner peace. This can be done through meditation, praying, dancing, listening to music, writing, helping others and so on. It doesn’t matter what you are going through right now, find peace in giving love, find peace in the winds, find peace in God. Live one day at a time for time they say heal all wounds.
I hope we all find the strength within ourselves to deal with loss.
This is one of the hardest pieces I have ever had to write. Dealing with loss is very important for our emotional and mental wellness. I will like to know more ways to deal with loss and ways that must have worked for you. Kindly share with me in comments below I’ll be waiting for your tips.
Happy August loves! A new month means new possibilities so smile admist your tears, shine through the pain and live your best life.