Life: Identifying and handling relationship parasites.

Parasites as taught in biology class, live off other organisms the host, harming it and not adding any benefit to it. Just like there are parasitic organisms there are parasitic humans also.

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Ever had a friend who is only nice to you when they need a favor? Only support you when they suddenly start a business? Ever had a person who physically and emotionally drains you? That an hour with them leaves you tired and mentally drained? I am sure a few images of some people popped into your head while reading those questions.

Those people are parasites as I call them relationship parasites. Relationship parasites are individuals whose main objective is to keep people around who they can use for their own benefits not caring if the relationship is detrimental to the other person. Relationship parasites come in diverse forms they may be  friends, a business partner, spouse, siblings or relatives.
Quick story: Someone told me about how she has a particular childhood friend who only texts her when she needs a favor. She explained in painful detail how she is always there for this particular ‘girlfriend’ of hers but her friend is only in touch and all loving when she suddenly needs her for something and when she gets what she wants she is besties with everyone but her, she goes MIA zero calls and occasional texts here and there. It got to the point that she says I quote “ I don’t delude myself that she gives a hoot about me, I mean she didn’t even send me condolences when I lost someone close to me but she has the nerve to invite herself to my bridal shower, is that even friendship?”
My answer was pretty simple No that is definitely a relationship parasite and not a friend. All the signs are glaring she doesn’t text you first you always have to initiate conversations with this person but she is all loving and sisterly when she needs a favor from you. She then proceeds to ask me “how do I handle such a person because I am tired of feeling used?”
I didn’t have an immediate response to that question so I conducted an opinion poll on Instagram and WhatsApp asking the question: how do you handle people that are always only nice to you when they need something and I got some of the following responses:

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A lot of people had plans to just either cut them off or treat them how they treat you. Some Even said you should treat them worse so they know how it feels. In all honesty if you asked me that question a few months ago my answer would have been same treat them like they do you but not anymore. I have come to know that doing that will make you become them. So why allow others change who you are. However I also agree to some extent that you will need to cut them off but this doesn’t mean you can’t help them when they need your help. Like one of my wise contributors said help them but don’t go out of your way to help in such a way that may be detrimental to you. My very good friend Eebee said when he does things for others he doesn’t do it because of who they are but he does things because he knows who he does it for and that person is God. So if you are nice to relationship parasites then don’t do it on the basis of how they treat you. Just do it for God I mean he is the person who says we should all be nice.
My opinion on this is very simple when you identify a relationship parasite someone who uses you and is never there for you, when you identify these people or person, KILL THEM… BUT WITH LOVE.
Kill them with love, I say this because it is easier to act like them and become like them. Truth be told these people deep down know what they are doing is bad, so when you act like them they are expecting this. But when you are loving towards these people they don’t expect it from you hence the guilt they feel if they have a conscience. Don’t get me wrong being loving doesn’t mean foolishness, when I can help someone in need of my help just like I can help someone random I wouldn’t think too deeply about this. I have a couple of relationship parasites around me one of my approaches is to call them out on their BS and still help them out or to just give them lots of space and watch them for afar and when they ask for help if it’s something I can do within my power I will help them.
Therefore for my friend above I told her that her Friend is definitely a parasite. I detected from all she told me that she feels really hurt and used because of that parasitic relationship. I asked her to address the hurt she feels towards this other lady for her own peace of mind. Maybe an honest conversation can resolve all her unresolved issues because sometimes some people act that way because they don’t know better so putting it out there may be best for everyone.
With humans it’s tricky we don’t like being treated like a means to an end so lets all endeavor to treat everyone with love, compassion and respect.

Have you ever been in a parasitic relationship? Where you the parasite or the host? How did you handle the situation? I can’t wait to hear from you.

Have a lovely week. Love D.A.

4 Comments

  1. This was really thoughtful and helpful. Thanks Destiny. Sometimes we never really know we are in a parasitic relationship until we have gone a long way with that person. That feeling sucks

    Like

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